Thursday, August 21, 2003

But enough about you, let's talk about me

I feel the need to elaborate on why I find the Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About page so heartening. The Doc and I got into another fight last night on the phone. And the thing is, I knew it was going to happen before I even called so I got myself into a more relaxed headspace (nice shower, some food, cooled off a bit) before even saying I'd call. But to no avail. It's not like we were fighting over anything really, it was just a random, nit-picking, semantics argument that escalated.

A bit about me when I fight. Well, first, a bit about me under any strong emotion: I cry. I cry when I'm sad, I cry when I'm angry, I cry when I'm overcome with happiness, I cry all the damned time. And I hate it. Now, where the fighting comes in. So I was crying (natch) and then I got vicious. I fight dirty and lacking any sort of physical strength, and being generally prone not non-violence, this comes out in really cruel words. I say things I would never consider if I were in a rational frame of mind. It's like some evil hated monster has taken over my mouth and is just spewing venom. When I calm down and realize what I've said, the guilt sets in and I can't believe I could have sunk so low.

That's the point I was at this morning and I wouldn't have been at all surprised if The Doc never, ever spoke to me again. But he has. Thank you Doc.

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